if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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