Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
