just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Send help, water and tortillas.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
