you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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