Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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