Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
