the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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