No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
