Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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