I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
