Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
