woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
