dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
