Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
