Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
