its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
