I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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