Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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