I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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