still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
