me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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