So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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