Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
