i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
