I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
