Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
