im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
