she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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