I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize