my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
