You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
