when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
