My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
