How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
