That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
