No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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