My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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