Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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