I want you more than these girls want KFC
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
