she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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