I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
