all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
