The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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