I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
