Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
