I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
