Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
