New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
