The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
