I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
