Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
