Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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