nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
