I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
