Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize