i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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