What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
