I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the day after is always just damage control
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
