The maid of honor just puked.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
