Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
