I heard we made out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to be your penis for a week.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
