I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
