i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
