all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
