The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
