Do you still have your period?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
