im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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