the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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