Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
