You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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