I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
