im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was born a porn star she said
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
