is wine microwaveable?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
