dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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