It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
