she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
