This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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