Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
