im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
